Courage at Twilight: So Many Questions

Is this the end?  Will he get better?  What help do I ask for?  What help do I accept?  How do we get him to the bathroom, up the stairs, into bed?  Do we carry him down the stairs and to the car and drive him to the hospital, or do we call 911 because we cannot safely manage?  Did you bring his hearing aids?  What brought you to the emergency room today?  Is a lumbar puncture more dangerous than a spinal tap (or are they the same thing)?  What is the difference between meningitis and encephalitis?  Will he ever come home?  What do I tell the family?  And what do I not tell?  Is the occupational therapist single?  Why won’t he eat?  How do I manage multiple group texts, frequent updates wanted?  Why am I binging on onion rings and chocolate ice cream?  Why am I so tired?  Why am I so tense?  Why do I want to vomit?  Will I get through this?  How am I going to get through this?  What will I do when my brother goes home?  What are the visiting hours?  Who will take care of Mom when I’m at work?  Will you pray for him, please?  Do you want to watch TV?  A movie?  High Road to China or White Nights or Nacho Libre or The Scarlet Pimpernel?  Do you have a Galaxy S9 charging cord?  How are his blood glucose levels?  I wish I could retire.  What are their insurance co-pays, deductibles, and out-of-pocket maximums?  How can I get all my work done?  Will the mayor fire me?  Why do my colleagues keep sending me work when they know where I am?  Did the nurse sponge his back and give him his insulin shot?  Why is his knee pain so intense?  Why is the knee fluid brown?  Why won’t he take the narcotic?  Why won’t he swallow?  Can he swallow?  What do I do if he chokes on his food?  Who brought the pretty flowers, the red and white carnations wrapped in baby’s breath?  Do you have any questions, sir?  Will I know when it’s time to gather the family?  Did you bring his hearing aid batteries?  What did you have for lunch?  Where did we leave off with James Herriot?  Wasn’t that a lovely story?  How were your onion rings, Mom?  Does he have an advanced directive?  What is your name and what day is it and where are you right now and who is the president of the United States?  Do you consent to the procedure on Mr. Baker’s behalf?  How are you feeling tonight, Dad?  Can I raise your bed or rearrange your pillows or bring you another blanket?  Can I help you brush your teeth?  Can you see the mountains from your window?  How can I know the truth about anything?  What will fill the emptiness?  Are you with me, God?

(Photo from Intermountain Health Care used pursuant to the fair use doctrine.)

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