Tag Archives: Emotions

The Dementia Dossier: I’ll Miss You

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“See you in a bit, Mom,” I waved as I walked toward the front door on my way to run an errand.  “Okay.  I’ll miss you.  I’ll be lonely.”  I ground my teeth and glowered.  The more I pull away, the more attached she wants to be, and in turn the greater my desire to turn away, and the greater her loneliness.  I’m not here to hold your hand and keep you company all day. I wanted to tell her.  I’m here to call 9-1-1 when you fall.  I’m here to feed you one good meal a day.  I’m here to keep you safe in your home until you die.  I never say any of these things, of course.  I’m too afraid to hurt her feelings, feelings which she cannot control or even be aware of in her dementia.

Where Does Love Go?

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So many people feel so lonely.  Even the most gregarious are not immune.  Even the most stoic of intellects must acknowledge that these feelings are real.  Hurt feelings, disappointments, resentments, traumas, betrayals, sarcasm, silence: they all push us apart to such distances that we wonder whether healing is possible.  Contemplating love and loneliness as I walked on Rabbit Lane years ago, I wrote this poem.  I have great hopes that people can find other people to love and be loved by, and thus heal the deep hurt of loneliness.  (Photo credit: Laura Baker.)

WHERE DOES LOVE GO?

Where does love go
after long years limp by?

Love burns and love binds
in the moment of beginning.
Love cleaves,
then tip-toes cautiously away,
leaving you wondering where it went,
and how it is that it ever was.

One day you saw love
slinking off
to hide behind so many hurts.
Another day you saw love
rushing and crashing
against rage’s rocky shore.
The last day you saw love
huddling, withdrawn,
under a dark, shrouding silence.

Why does love go
after long years grind past?
And what do you do
when it’s gone?