Courage at Twilight: Good-bye, Love

31 Replies

The texts tumbled in just as City Council meeting began. “911!  Please call right away!”  “It’s an emergency!”  “Can you excuse yourself?”  I needed to know more before I walked out on the City Council and Mayor, but I got more than I bargained for: “Sarah just died in a snowmobile accident.”  My sister.  My beautiful, energetic, ambitious, kind, and loving sister.  My sister who saw me and loved me just as I am.  “What the hell is going on?” I barked when he answered the phone, barked out of terror, not anger.  Indeed, his wife, my sister, had passed away after a freak accident.  In the previous months, she had led her teams of nursing directors and therapy directors to new levels of excellence, surpassing company aspirations, and the boss had treated them to a mountain lodge retreat where, after the celebratory gathering, the twentyish directors chose between three company-provided activities: snowmobiling, four-wheeling, or massaging.  Sarah chose a massage, then ran to join her boss and co-workers on snowmobiles: why settle for one fun activity when you can cram in two?  She zoomed across snowy trails with her boss and five colleagues.  She missed a turn and flew over an embankment.  She hit a tree.  Her helmet broke open.  She died on impact.  My sister.  Sarah.  My sweet, accepting, no-nonsense, intensely fun, forgiving, and loving sister.  And the bottom of my world abruptly dropped away and I began a freefall of terror and panic and deadening dread.  This could not be!  This was not possible!  Never a crier, I sat at my desk and sobbed.  As the older brother, I knew what I had to do.  I rushed home, had Mom and Dad sit together, and began the impossible: Something terrible has happened.  Something terrible has happened to Sarah.  Through heaving sobs, I related what little I knew.  To my stunned parents.  To my only brother.  To my three weeping sisters.  To my seven adoring children.  To my far-flung nieces and nephews.  One by one.  And with each telling I bawled anew.  I am not a crier, but I cried more during that night than I had in my previous 59 years combined.  This simply could not be!  But it was.  She was gone.  Everyone experiences grief differently, in their own ways and times, and every grieving is genuine.  To Mom (so far), the tragedy seemed like just another random fact, like running out of milk.  Dad moaned for hours: “I don’t know if I can survive this.  Truly.  I’m 88 years old!  I’m already frail, and I can feel what little strength I have left breaking and melting away.”  But with visitors and talking through his shocked incredulity again and again and again he survived the evening and the night and the next day.  I retreated to a dark room and cried in convulsing waves.  Not Sarah!  Her story was not supposed to end this way.

31 thoughts on “Courage at Twilight: Good-bye, Love”

  1. Unknown's avatarAnonymous

    No words can express our shock and sadness. Our love to her husband, family and the entire Baker clan. Truly, a time to appreciate that life will change unexpectedly and to cherish and count the blessings we have for this day.

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  4. Unknown's avatarAnonymous

    Dear Rodger,
    We were so sad to hear about sweet Sarah! She was about 3 years old when I watched you and Megan and little Sarah. She was a little blond headed doll! So sweet ❤️ we’re so sorry for this great loss.
    Sincerely, Steve and Dorothy Fluckiger

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  5. Michael Sammut's avatarMichael Sammut

    My sincere condolences for your tragic loss, Roger. Very sad news. May she rest in peace while I wish you all the courage and strength to pass through this difficult moment.

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  6. Unknown's avatarAnonymous

    Learning the details makes this tragedy even more heartbreaking. Sarah excelled in her work and this retreat was a reward for her and her co-workers. Her story here ended way too soon and so unexpectedly. But her story continues beyond this mortal sphere and she will be as angelic there as she was here. Hang on to the memories and honor her loving legacy as you go forward from here. Cry all you want.❤️

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  7. Unknown's avatarAnonymous

    Roger, I would like to express my most sincere and heart-felt condolences. I cannot begin to imagine the anguish and pain you and your family are experiencing. I will be praying for all of you and the repose of Sarah’s soul. I am truly sorry.

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  8. Patricia Ann's avatarPatricia Ann

    Roger, I can only imagine the pain you and your family are experiencing at the loss of your dearly loved sister, Sarah. May God’s mantle of love embrace your grieving hearts, and ease your pain in the days, weeks, months and years ahead.

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  9. Unknown's avatarAnonymous

    My heart and prayers go out to you and all of your family. I don’t have words to express the fullness of my sorrow for what happened. May peace be with you!
    Bob

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  12. Unknown's avatarLaWynn

    Roger and Nelson and Lucille: I am so sad for all of you and your family. A great loss of a special daughter and sister. Why her- Why now???? Why an unplanned accident that affects all of you. Just heard about it.Will be praying for all of you. Love, LaWnn Murphy

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  13. Tim Gillie's avatarTim Gillie

    So sorry to read about your sister! Praying for strength for you and your parents that you may feel tender mercies of the Lord to carry you through this time of mourning and anguish.

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  14. Unknown's avatarAnonymous

    This is so devastating! How I love the Baker family and I’m so horrified by this news. I’m praying for all of you and hope you can feel the Savior’s arms around you. Love,
    Larry Madsen

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  17. fabianuser's avatarfabianuser

    Roger, I’m so shocked and so saddened to hear about Sarah. Please give my best to your Mom and Dad and other family members. I’ve been thinking of your Mom and Dad today, thinking that I really need to go see them, and now I know why it was today. Please know that I will be there for the funeral and will try to visit your Mom and Dad before if I possibly can. Thank you for sending me this message. My hear and prayers are with you all. Love, Mary Ann

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  18. Unknown's avatarAnonymous

    I am so sad to hear about Sarah. You were all so young at the mission home in Brasil. I remember Sarah as the littlest one always asking me, “ Got a flea?” My heart goes out to all of you. Colleen Ray

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    1. wiredogstories's avatarwiredogstories

      I have a Baker Family Christmas Card from about 1975 or so that shows a very young Sarah when she would have said “Got a flea?” (David Clyde Walters, Brazil Missionary 72-74) I wanted to post it here for others to see but it seems that I can only post text and not an image. Sarah was a very cute young girl.

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  19. Unknown's avatarAnonymous

    Roger, your family has a special place in my heart and my life. I will pray for the Comforter to give you and your family peace in this difficult time.
    (Elder) Les Walker

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  21. leswalk's avatarleswalk

    I am so sorry to hear about Sarah. Your family has a special place in my heart and in my life. I will pray for The Comforter to be with your family during this difficult time.
    Les Walker

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  23. Unknown's avatarAnonymous

    May the Lord bless and strengthen your family at this time, especially your dad and mother. I loved serving with them in Brasil. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Sharon Newbold

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  26. Unknown's avatarAnonymous

    Roger, Pres. Baker, Lucille, my heart breaks for you, My soul aches for you, my prayers are sent for you. My memory is drawn to a sad reminder of the loss of a grandchild, I can’t imagine the loss of a daughter. President, you always assured me that I could get through it whatever “it” was at the time… back at you.
    Love you all, Lynn Steadman
    PS. I was always careful to have plenty of fleas with me to play flea circus.

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  27. Mary Catherine's avatarMary Catherine

    Oh, Roger…
    What a terrible shock. I felt your emotions in this writing. A day that was to be full of fun, a reward for such a diligent worker…how could it flip over into pure tragedy? I can see why they say the 1st stage of grief is denial. Our complete layers of self cannot absorb the reality all at once. It cannot, even now, be a reality. I wonder if you and your family keep thinking this is a terrible dream that you’ll awaken from and all will go back to normal.
    Words cannot convey how sorry I am to read this. Harv too, of course. I’m not sure if he’s called or texted you yet.
    You and your family will be in our prayers. I believe your sister lingers nearby trying to say, “it’s ok. Please don’t cry. I’m in a beautiful place but I miss you and it hurts to see how sad you all are.”
    Here’s a quote, not sure you’re ready for these reassurances but deep down below the grieving self, the broken self, it might help to remember that death is not the end of life, it is the end of birth. Life is eternal.
    But that thought does not fill the emptiness you all are left with. My sympathy to you at this tragic time.

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  28. Mary Catherine's avatarMary Catherine

    I sent a comment but I think I hit “reply” so I’m not sure where it went.
    It was very long and I am so sad for you & your family. This is a shock, totally disrupted all the normalness going on. Harv & I are so sad for you and your family and words cannot come close to expressing our love and sorrow for you at this time.
    I hope my other reply comes up.
    I left this quote: “Death is not the end of life, it is the end of birth. Life is eternal.” (As you know) But it doesn’t help to fill the emptiness right now.
    We love you.

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