Courage at Twilight: On Edge

I live my days on the edge of anxiety, tense, waiting for the next unexplained bump or clang, in fear of the next fall, tense, nodding with sleep at my desk but ready to jump into action at the slightest premonition.  The garage door opens, and I start at the sound, knowing Dad has ventured into the yard to clip or rake or hoe or mow or fertilize, and the temperature is 95 degrees, the sky cloudless, tool handles too hot to touch, the grass rotting and pungent in the can.  My personal spiritual pursuit is to cultivate trust, a trust that life is beautiful and good, a trust that I can improve my character and mind, a trust that truth and goodness will prevail as often as possible, a trust that God is real and loves infinitely and actively, that he redeems and pays personal attention and dispenses mercy abundantly to all who want it.  That is my labor.  I feel tired.  I’m going to go check on Dad.

2 thoughts on “Courage at Twilight: On Edge

  1. Laura Denise

    Add breathing deeply and relaxing/unwinding to your to-do list and daily practices. Caregiving can certainly wear one down. Take care of yourself m, too, dear Roger. For yourself and them. And us! And don’t forget to seek support for yourself too when needed. 💛

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