“You need more protein, to help with your healing,” my sweetheart said about the two dozen eggs she carried. I rode the tell-tale chair from my upstairs convalescence to boil the eggs. “My hard-boiled egg carton is in the cupboard by the freezer,” Mom called from her recliner at the far end of the family room, and I realized she thought the eggs were for her. Why not for her? So, I pulled open the drawer next to the freezer—there was no cupboard next to the freezer—but found no egg carton. “Not there!” she shouted. “In the cupboard!” I called back that there was no cupboard by the freezer, only the drawer. “In the cupboard!” she shouted again, her frequency rising. I opened the cupboard next to her kitchen desk—”Yes, that cupboard,” she yelled—but again I did not find the egg carton I had previously labeled “HB.” I held up my empty hands and shrugged my confused shoulders. By now Mom’s face was red and angry and overloaded with anxiety. What could I do—there was no egg carton in the cupboard, as she insisted. “It’s okay,” whispered Megan. “It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.” In search of a big boiling pan, I opened the cupboard under the stove—a long way from the freezer—and there was the missing carton. “It’s here, Mom,” I called, holding up the cardboard carton. “I guess I forgot where I put it,” she choked out in a mix of anxious embarrassment. I told her it was okay, that we had found it. Soon my 24 eggs were boiled, cooled, and stowed in their 24-egg carton. I asked Mom’s helper to boil some eggs to put in Mom’s recovered “HB” egg carton.

That whispered “It’s okay” from Megan might be the most important line in the whole Dementia Dossier. You knew there was no cupboard by the freezer, and she knew she put the carton somewhere, and the hunt was never really about the eggs at all. There is a real lesson here for caregivers: the moment someone stops trying to correct the facts and calms the feeling underneath them instead, the panic melts. You found the carton in the end and Mom got her protein, but the real healing in that kitchen happened at a whisper. Thank you for writing this so honestly. It is the kind of detail other caregivers need to read.
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Thank you so much. Megan is a gem.
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