Courage at Twilight: Fim da Linha

What I’ve always known—cognitively—is beginning to sink deeply in—emotionally—with emphasis on the word “sink,” and pulling me down with it: I cannot fix this.  I do not have the power to heal the illness, to strengthen the tired muscles.  The canes and walkers and wheelchairs, the doctor visits and blood draws and MRIs, the heart monitors and blood pressure cuffs, the shakiness and fatigue, the “take your pills” and “drink more water” and the worry worry worry—they are all here to stay.  I am riding this streetcar with Mom and Dad to the fim da linha, the end of the line.  One day, the streetcar will come to a stop and Mom and Dad will get off, and I will wave good-bye.  And then the car will start again and turn some corner and carry me toward other stops.  Until then, my power is found in my weakness, my strength in my service.  All I can do is cook and clean and comfort, and listen, and love.  And this is enough.  In fact, this is the job.  The job is not to fix anything as we ride the streetcar together, but to be with them for the duration of the ride, and to make the ride as comfortable and peace-filled and happy as my siblings and I can.

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